The girl I hate

It's official. I am becoming the girl I hate. The one who just sits around waiting for a boy to call. The one who focuses only on her boyfriend (not that I have one of those) and lets all other parts of her life suffer from lack of focus. The one who obsesses over every little word and thought, searching for nuance that isn't really there. Basically, I am becoming the teenage girl I never got to be when I was a teenage girl because back then I was way too cool for that. Now, I recognize that I am not cool at all. And that is ok.

Tomorrow, is the boy's birthday. I bought him a card and created a new accessory for his end of summer gift that he got a few months ago. But its still in my bag, collecting dust and causing trouble when the whole package gets wet on the floor of my broken car (well, there's a story for another time). Its still in my bag not because I am scared to send him a card that says I love him (he already knows that, we said it to each other several times this summer) but because I still don't have his address. Well, I have most of it, but the important part, the apartment number is still blank. I can't mail something of this caliber until I am sure he will get it.

I take birthdays very seriously. Well, not too seriously, of course. I was in the card section of Target the other day, looking for this amazing, roll around on the floor till tears form in my eyes kind of card. Alas, when I looked through every single "funny" card in the joint, I was sorely disappointed. Nothing even made me laugh alound even a little give a modest chuckle. So I bought a kids's card.
It's late and I am falling asleep while I write.

Later.